I don't have the easiest relationship with my Mum, for now we kind of tread water to be able to sustain some kind of speaking term. It's never been particularly easy but in the last ten years or so it has been tested to it's limit.
I've always felt closer to my Dad and in many ways I think (and hope) I'm more like his personality than my Mum's. Since my Dad left my Mum some ten (ish) years ago she has tried to keep me and my brother as her own children, and she did manage for a few years to make me not really speak to my Dad. Why would someone who cares for you want you not to have a relationship with your father?
Everyone has reasons to do things but looking back I'm still confused as to how it happened, how I let it happen. Of course my Dad never gave up on me and I'll be forever thankful for that, I really could have blown that relationship too had I not seen through what my Mum was doing.
I had hoped it would get easier once I left home but it still never has done so. There are still many challenges ahead but I still would like to have some kind of relationship with her. I think. You see that's how volatile the relationship is, sometimes I want to try harder and other times I want to give up and run for the hills.
I hope one day it was just click into place, but I know that means give and take on both sides. Here's hoping