You are what you listen to...

This is a quote I see many times on Pinterest, not always the same picture but the words are the same. I've thought more and more about music this year; how it affects my mood, how it can change that mood. Mostly it's been because I'm trying to do the 'tracks of my years' and it's taking me a long time. I've only just got to my teens in writing it all down! 

There have been two other things that have put music into the forefront again. Two funerals this year (I realise a funeral is not a 'thing' it's more than that, I just can't type what I mean) have made me think about other people's music. I was asked to help sort the music for both, it felt weird for me to think about the choices because some of them didn't reflect their later years. 

That's when I thought again about my music choices, there are some that horrify me and there's quite a lot I wouldn't want played at my funeral either.    I can also understand why people say what music they want, even though I admit when people tell me I try to talk about something else because of the awkwardness. 

I think music does reflect a lot of who you are. But it changes and grows, just like we do as people over the years. Some music will embarrass us and others will take you back to that first moment that you heard it with a big smile. 

I also like that there's always something in a record collection that will surprise someone else. What would yours be?

Eton Mess!

I've always been a big fan of Eton Mess, what's not to like? Strawberries, meringue and double cream... yum!

So even with the weather being particularly wet recently, I'm still bringing a touch of summer eating. 

Eton Mess is super easy to make and I've seen many recipes about making the strawberries into more of a puree form. I prefer to cut them up into smaller chunks, rather than puree them. I also find it is very helpful to have plenty of strawberries and meringue to eat as you make it, trust me! 

You can also add anything else that you want, Eton Mess can just be the base, maybe add some nuts or a strawberry sauce. Chocolate flake on top? 

Whatever you decide. Enjoy!

I was sent a £3 voucher via the Tesco Orchard programme to spend on summer berries and cherries. I spent the whole £3 on that tray of strawberries and they were yum and perfect for making this mess haha! 

Hello July!

Half the year has gone, it doesn't seem possible! I also started writing this post on the 1st of July and now look when I'm pressing publish... oops! 

I haven't written on here in quite a while now, the past few months I have wondered if I needed this space here and whether my blogging phase had passed. It turns out I still do.

The first half of 2015 has provided several low points; losing people close to me and dealing with that grief, anxiety flare-ups and that general doom of anyone who overthinks... 

To prove to myself that this isn't some 'blog and run' type post I have scheduled posts for the next few weeks. I think more because the organised side of this brain wanted that all done before I wrote this one!

I am back and I'm hoping the rest of 2015 is eventful but for all the right reasons!

It's... THE ASHES!

You might have noticed that I am a little sports crazy!

So anyway... THE ASHES starts tomorrow. Cricket time, the war between England and Australia. I absolutely cannot explain how much I love it. I shall be obsessed over the Summer and again later this year for the return down in Oz.

Here is a couple of videos that get me totally excited about The Ashes (hopefully they will for you too!)

Love it!

Isn't Bumble (David Lloyd) singing the best thing ever!?!

9 songs

I'm trying to compile some sort of Tracks of my Years piece. It's taking me sooooo long! Doesn't help that my Spotify favourites playlist is very close to one thousand songs. So I'm going to hit shuffle on my Spotify for a little series called "9 songs" and see if this helps me. You can also see my varied taste in music too :D

Moby - Honey

The Walkmen - The Rat

Fleetwood Mac - The Chain

Alanis Morissette - Hand In My Pocket

Marilyn Manson - Personal Jesus

Pink - Please Don't Leave Me

The Bamboos - I Got Burned

ABBA - Lay All Your Love On Me

Tyler Hilton - Jenny

 

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5 films I have loved recently

I have had a bit of a 'movie time' recently, these are five that I have really enjoyed and I recommend them to you to see too. They are a bit of a mix of stuff though so you might not like them all.... I just have a varied taste!

American Sniper

After seeing the trailer I wasn't that sure I wanted to see it because there's a scene in it that's a bit too real for me. Yes, the trailer even made me weep a little. I know you want this sort of film to be real but yeah... ok I'll shut up now! But seriously, see it.

 

The Equalizer

Everybody loves a Denzel Washington film. This is the film remake of the TV series of the same name from the 80's with Edward Woodward. There is talk of a sequel film too.

 

Big Hero 6

Oh how I love Baymax, this lovable marshmallow, huge robot. You'll laugh and cry.

You'll also never be able to do a "fist pump" handshake without... copying Baymax. I'm saying no more :D

 

Whiplash

I saw the trailer for this SO many times on various adverts on apps and blogs. I assumed because it was getting that push that it wasn't good, wrong! So very wrong. You'll understand why you need to be fit to be a drummer and you'll still want to be one!

The Best Of Me

All I will say, tissues! Two boxes.

 

Have you seen any of these? What else have you been watching?

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New stationery favourites

I got some lovely new stationery bits and bobs for Christmas and I will be doing a more in-depth look and reviews on everything. So this is just a little tease...

I've also been trying out the Moldiv app, see the fancy images above. Me likey (so far!)

Down the rabbit hole...

I went through a stage of collecting stamps... years ago though! Now it's very rare to get a letter in the post, let alone it having a stamp you'd want to collect and keep. I do look out for the collectible sets that the Royal Mail do and I noticed the Alice in Wonderland set.

I've always been a big fan of the book and there is still something so intriguing about falling down that rabbit hole like Alice did. Whilst I probably won't get the stamps because I actually really like the idea of getting the postcard set, so much so that I've ordered them right now. I haven't really thought about what I will do with them, I will keep them for a while because I've bought them for me. In saying that though, I am going to start writing snail mail letters so possibly over time they may get sent out in little packages like that I guess.

Do you collect stamps? Do you look out for the collectible sets?

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Let's get organised...

With January quickly passing by, it has been on my to-do list to sort out my diary for 2015. I should have got it started long before now but here I am. One of the problems I find is that my diary always runs into the January so when it's half way through the month and I turn the page I realise... I NEED TO START MY NEW DIARY NOW! Yes, shouty letters. Sorry!

This is the mini Dodo diary that was given to me at Christmas from Mr and Mrs Santa. It's small enough to carry around in my bag but not too small that I can't write inside it. 

I have used the Dodo diary refills in my planners for several years now so I'm very much a fan of their quirky layout and the fact they allow you to doodle freely. I sat with my Dodo diary this afternoon and went through last years diary and also through the dates on my phone. My diary is getting full! 

Got a load of stationery posts yet to come, stay tuned!

*This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase through the link then I can put the little share of that money made into showing you more stationery that I have bought :D

October...

It's pretty obvious now to look back and realise October was always going to be a sh*t month. See, it had normally been November that I struggled with. No particular reason but it was always tough. I'd always need extra time to meditate and generally I find myself more distracted or in a 'daydream state' in November.

The end of September was looking promising with me finding a good routine with meditation, I was running again and generally I felt good. Right at the end of September, I made the ultimate fail in running preparation and didn't warm up correctly so of course I got injured. I've only just started to get back into running again now, it felt like a massive step back from my restart. It did change my mood and generally I felt low in myself. The more I knew I couldn't run, the more I wanted to, the more it annoyed me.

Me... getting annoyed at not running? Weirdo.

From this start, October became all about putting out fires. Everything seemed to be coming at me and all I wanted to do was to get out and pound my feet along the street. I managed to ease myself back into bikram yoga again once my injury had eased slightly (I think I healed quicker because of stretching in the heat) and that helped a lot. It wasn't enough but it helped.

Turns out that October must have been my November this time around. It caught me off guard but maybe that's a better way to actually deal with it. The end of October saw moments that things might be changing for the better which gave me hope. The start of November has continued those moments too and it's of course better for me being able to get running again. Then there are the people who make it better just by not even knowing that they are doing it, that counts for a lot too.

At the beginning of October I couldn't see the wood for the trees but right now I really can see. Amazing what a month can do.

Back to school...

I had noticed over the last couple of days that a few bloggers had been going with the 'back to school' theme, even if they were not actually going back to school. As someone who had lost their way with exactly what I was doing with my little space on the interweb, I decided to jump on this theme as a new starting block for me too.

Whilst many do see the start of a year to be about resolutions and goals, I have to confess that it's September that gives me more of a focus. I might have left school years ago (more than I care to count) but some habits cannot be broken. Here are my 'back to school resolutions'

To blog more - quite simply I will be updating this blog more. For someone who ALWAYS has something to say it has been weird that I've felt disconnected from this blog. It's mine. It's helped me through some pretty tough times and I do miss it. I can't promise I'll be here each week but you will definitely see me here at least once a month.

Get organised - I've felt recently that I'm not as organised as I could be. I have felt sometimes like I'm treading water a bit and really it's just a fluke that stuff is getting things done - sorry Dad, I will get better at GTD. I have got my work schedule under control now it's just everything else that I need/want to fit in, all starting with home. I've started on a new system in the last week, which is partly why I'm here writing this now as it was in my schedule. So that has worked! I'm trialling out a few methods which I'll share on here once I've got into a more regular swing with it all.

Run it - I'm back running again. It hurts a lot and people seem to focus more on why it might be hurting me (running style) than actually congratulating me for getting running again. My knee feels good and I hope that I can keep this up through the colder months... the rain and the dark nights do not become my best running friend. I'll get there. I've organised a running plan, mixed with some yoga and also a little bit of weight training which I've never really done before. I haven't made a weekly plan but a monthly one as my schedule and life get pretty busy at times so I have instead scheduled a number of times I need to workout across the month. I've always worked to a weekly plan before so even that is making me feel a little at sea.

Coping with my anxiety better - It's never going to go completely, it's always there. Sometimes it might go for a while but it always comes back. I am getting better at dealing with it when it's here and that's something that can always continue to be improved on. 

Bake more - Quite simply I want to bake more. I didn't even know there was such a thing as a hot water crust pastry until last week's Bake Off - I have much to learn apparently! 

Learn a new language - I've been promising to do this for years but I have scheduled time to do it this time around. 

The thing is a lot of my life comes down to being organised. I'm not saying I'm prepared for everything but I do work better with a bit of structure. Maybe that's why I did enjoy school, the routine of it all. 

I wouldn't want to go back. I'm happy in the here and now. 

The BIG Thirty

This year sees my brother turn 'the BIG thirty' and whilst 30th birthday's are special ones, this one is even more special. My brother Jonathan has Down's Syndrome and he could not be more excited about his birthday, mainly because everyone keeps asking him what he wants to do. The majority of his answers are food related, BBQ's are a popular favourite with his birthday being around the August bank holiday. Also he LOVES them and would be quite happy to have one when it snows...

There are no real plans set yet but every week the list of ideas grow. Just today I thought about two more ideas, it's quite clear that his birthday might be celebrated for the entire year! Which actually is pretty much deserved.

At school I had to do a project for English class and I picked my brother as my project choice. Whether this was coerced by the school to help others learn about Down's Syndrome as my brother was at the same school as me or maybe it was my own idea, I don't know. I suspect it might have been a bit of a mix of the two. I don't remember my parents telling me that Jonathan had Downs, they must have done at some point! But I don't remember it at all.

Investigating Down's Syndrome for this project I remember confused me and it was through this that I found the most devastating piece of information.

 The average person with Down's Syndrome will have a life expectancy into their mid-twenties.

I didn't cry. I didn't ask my parents about it. I just accepted it. It sounds heartless the way that I have written it but there wasn't a thing that I could do to change it. In a way, I guess I accepted it. Like I accepted he was slower to learn things than I was; slower to crawl, to walk, to talk.

I never thought about that sentence until a few weeks ago, just after my birthday when I suddenly had a flashback to that moment. It was almost a celebration of the fact he was still here, he had beaten those odds that years ago seemed like his fate. Advances in technology and advancements in care have seen the average expectancy rise up to the 60's and beyond.

So with a bit of planning he should be in for the best 30th birthday ever. That's my plan!



*The above song was the first song that my Mum heard after my parents were told that Jonathan had Down's Syndrome. Always such a beautiful song with special meanings for us :-)






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The Overthinker

Yep that's me. If there was an award for overthinking, I'd win it.

I can go from thinking about something quite small and turning into this massive problem that escalates quickly. It's a cruel trick that my brain can play on me and sometimes it can leave me feeling powerless to stop. I can't say that these tips always help me as sometimes I do still struggle to get through the overthinking times but when I'm more in control, these help:-

Breathe

Obviously! But I take a really big deep breath and instantly I feel calmer.

I like the new you...

On my instagram there are over 250 photos and before this month the only photo of me on there was my profile photo. The standard photo that I had used across social networks for years. I've never been a "selfie" person and there are probably under ten photos of myself that I really like in the whole world. My definition of really like is that my Mum has some hung up in her house and they don't make me cringe or make me want to turn them over out of sight.

Now on my instagram there are three "selfie" photos of me all tagged with that and self confidence because I feel more confident in myself. It's not that I was surrounded by negativity or that I felt down about myself but I guess getting confidence from an unexpected source made me look at things differently. The main change is believing in myself more.

I didn't mind that my most popular photos on instagram were ones of food or Old Trafford. Both beautiful things in their own right though ;-)

Curbed

I shouldn't even be drawing attention to this but today I almost had my first panic attack of 2014. No, it's not a celebration.

I have written before about how I deal with my panics and I have written the odd blog about them since but I've never kept count of them. I vaguely know that the last one I had was around October time, when none of my little tricks stopped it from overcoming me. 

Today was different although I had missed all the warning signs. It wasn't until my hands went numb and my breathing had started to get faster that I knew. I concentrated on getting my breathing back to normal and it didn't take hold. As I sat and waited for everything to return back to how it was, I cried.

My Favourite Music, TV, Films and Sporting Moments of 2013

I always love a good round-up post, if not for you all to read and see what I have enjoyed throughout the year but also for me to look back on year after year. I have decided to my Top 3 in each category, so Music will be both singles and albums and then there is TV, Film and Sporting Moments.

Music 

Singles/Songs 

Daft Punk feat. Pharrell Williams - Get Lucky 

Probably the song of most people's year. It's a little earworm, be warned!

New Kids On The Block - Remix (I like the)

Another earworm. This also became my own signature tune... it always makes me feel happy when I hear it, motivates me when I'm exercising and generally makes me dance around like a loon.

One Republic - Counting Stars

All of my Top 3 are total earworms. This is another. As expected!

Wishing you a...

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The Friday File #54 - Jake Gyllenhaal

The first time I came across Jake was in the film Donnie Darko, woah did that film scare me - yikes! Other films that I have watched of his are; The Day After Tomorrow, Brokeback Mountain, Proof, Jarhead, Love and Other Drugs, Source Code and End of Watch. I haven't seen the film Prisoners that he starred in which was released this year but it is on my list. Also I am looking forward to his next film Nightcrawler.

Music Monday: Chris De Burgh - A Spaceman Came Travelling

The countdown to Christmas is on!

And it went La La...

 



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The Friday File #53 - Ian Somerhalder

 

Ah Ian Somerhalder, the guy everyone goes mad over in The Vampire Diaries TV series. Oh and the other one, plus some others. But I remember Somerhalder from his Lost days. I need to have another re-watch of that series, loved Lost.