I have written before about how I deal with my panics and I have written the odd blog about them since but I've never kept count of them. I vaguely know that the last one I had was around October time, when none of my little tricks stopped it from overcoming me.
Today was different although I had missed all the warning signs. It wasn't until my hands went numb and my breathing had started to get faster that I knew. I concentrated on getting my breathing back to normal and it didn't take hold. As I sat and waited for everything to return back to how it was, I cried.
I don't expect my panics to go away, even though I am better at controlling them. But I always have that feeling that maybe with each new year that starts they will have gone away. It's just not that simple, I know things are never that easy. For a while today I thought I was useless, yep that's right, useless. That's not a mindset I really believe, it's another trick from the panics.
I need to get back into the routine of meditating every day, writing my thoughts down and getting fitter physically too. I know that I have the right determination to see through this again in 2014 and ongoing. My support network only gets stronger and I have a lot to be positive about.
I'll just keep on curbing the panics. That's all that I can do. It's not a sign of being weak and I know that I am stronger for every single thing that has happened to me.